I feel like a terrible mother. I was all set to do something for Declan's 18 months, but somehow today was unusual and it got away from me.
It isn't as though I never think of him. Ironically I pulled out my Declan bracelet today and put it on...not even realizing what day it was.
As I snapped pictures of Emmy on our outing I thought of him and felt the peace it always brings.
But today was hard with my kids. Bedtime was awful...I was so irritated.
One of my friends who lost her baby almost 4 years ago told me once that she will be frustrated or mad all day and not even know why until she realizes it was a milestone day...or he should have been there for a family event. I think tonight I understood. I was ticked off and didn't know why.
How lucky I am to have friends that know what I am going through. Friends who show up at my door knowing what today means... Friends who just love you even though you are a mess and quite honestly not making a bit of sense when you lose it in front of them...
A year and a half...so strange. I got into my husband's car today. I pushed the radio on and was about to change the CD when I realized it was the CD we were given right after Declan died. I didn't even realize what day it was...but I sat and listened feeling all the emotions back just as though it had happened yesterday.
I've been down a little lately and I just realized why...
...I missing my baby boy! (This picture was taken not long after he was born...I love it because he is perfect. It is the rare color photo I happened to have. A happy accident, but one I'm so grateful for. His little bear is in it too)
Happy 18 months Declan!!! We always love you!!!
1 comment:
Thinking of you! Milestones are hard but they are nice because it give you an extra special reason to just ponder and think about your sweet baby boy!
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