I think I want to donate again. It was really special for my family. So I think I'm going to try for the same amount...10. It's not a whole lot, but money being super tight these days I believe that is all I can do.
I still sleep with a blanket that matches Declan's every night. I don't sleep with the one I snuggled with him anymore...I don't want to ruin it.
It is so comforting.
My daughter has been missing her brother a lot lately. Tonight I offered my son his Declan blanket and he said he didn't want it. Emmy suddenly exclaimed..."I want mine!" It's been over a year now since she stopped using it. I put it up in her closet to keep for her.
When I went to get it from the shelf I clutched it in my arms and tears stung my eyes. I was so surprised I had that reaction. My mind slipped away quickly to tiny Emmy helping me pick out that very blanket for Declan before he was born. She had loved the blanket so much that when he died I just had to let her have it. She knows it was supposed to be Declan's...which I think makes it all the more special than it would have been.
Since losing Declan I have met so many that have been through a baby loss. Some have been very recent. My heart aches for the hard path of those first months. It is indescribable the pain and longing that accompany you as you leave the funeral and start life again.
I think I'm going to try to start working on Declan's blankets again. My friend and I were going to do Cuddle my Mommy together, but it is so crazy with life and kids. I might just stick to this for a while and see where it takes me. Even if it is only 10 blankets a year...it still will be something.
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