Polar Bears...

When we were looking for the stuffed animal to bury with Declan it was really hard.  I wanted something fun and cute.  We had a hard time finding good stuffed animals.

We finally decided to bury him with a little lamb - from me and a polar bear - that the kids would have too.  Since then my sister found the same lamb...but bigger and bought all of us one.  I also have a tiny lamb (or as Emmy calls them Lammie) that matches Declan's.

Around three or four months after Declan's funeral I panicked.  Why did I pick the polar bear?!  That was such a weird animal to pick.  I really was frustrated I didn't pick something better.

Then I just let it go and forgot about it.

Last night our family watched a National Geographic about polar bears.  I watched the fuzzy white puff balls with their mom and my heart melted.  I was very happy we picked the polar bear suddenly.

They are cute.  It's funny...well okay funny isn't the right word...it is interesting all the strange things that pop into my head after Declan was buried.

I honestly had a little over a week to think of everything, but even then I forgot to do so many things.  It's so much pressure to get everything you want done before it's too late.  One shot and that's it.

I was busy...making the program for the funeral, a video of his pictures, engraving a bracelet for him, picking out clothes and a blanket, getting stuffed animals, thinking what I wanted done at the funeral, trying to figure out what to pack for the trip, trying not to do too much because I was healing from a c-section, and so many other things that can't be named...mainly grieving.

I tried to put together a short list of things to help prompt people in my Declan's Blanket bags.  I had time, but some people don't.  They have the funeral in a matter of two days.  I don't know how they do it.  So I placed a list of things that I found helpful and hopefully I can keep people from having too many moments when they are in a craft store looking at foot imprint kits or casting kits and having a panic attack because they forgot that maybe that would have been a treasure they didn't even think about until two months too late.  (That was a bad day)

Well at least there are few things I forgot.  I am now grateful for my stuffed animal choice...I even bought enough that we could have two more kids and they have one (a tip I picked up from my friend).  I made peace with the silly polar bears.

So much to think about in a moment that will be all we have for the rest of our lives.  I'm sure in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter if I picked a gorilla or a polar bear, but at that moment it does.  Everything that swirls around you that has anything to do with your baby matters...so much.

If any of you with Angel babies let me know what things you were grateful for so I can include them in my list.  I think it's helpful...I talked to 2 Angel baby mommies before the funeral and it helped a lot.  But sometimes that's not an option...so if there can be a little card of helpful tips...not that they need to do it, but just to trigger things that would mean something to them.

So far I have included:

* Contacting NILMDTS
* Casting or imprint kits
* Burying baby with a stuffed animal, blanket, outfit that you duplicate for you and children
* Engraving a bracelet for baby, daddy and mommy to match
* Lock of hair
* Copy of hospital bracelets
* Checking to make sure hand-prints and footprints are done right (Declan's hand-prints are totally smeared luckily I have good footprints)
* Remember that you don't have to rush even if others around you are in a hurry.  Time is precious.  Don't feel you have to sacrifice it.