Knowing...

I was just finishing my workout when a song came on that took me right back to the time right after Declan died.

I inhaled and picture myself running.

Tears welled in my eyes as the song seemed to speak only to me.

I love that song!

It reminded me there is still a lot of life to be lived.  The pain was crushing me, but love would heal me.

Strange looking backward.  I felt so helpless and so lost.  I thought I would never get where I am now.  The long nights of anguish seemed endless...until the monstrous pain stopped growling all the time.

Soon it was every day...only not so painful.  I would feel relief...only to have the monster return with vengeance.

I was so frustrated with myself.

Why couldn't I handle this better?!

This song echoed my thoughts.  It, like many songs, gave me hope.

It seems a strange song to run to...since it is beautifully slow...but it kept me going.

The fast songs wouldn't last long.  My energy would wane and suddenly I was having to dig to the deepest recesses to accomplish my run.

The song pushed me forward, when I just wanted to give up and say, "I'm not going to make it!"  Both in my runs and in life.

(Safety Suit- Life Left to Go)

The monster is not yet gone, but not my constant companion either.  How wonderful it is to realize that!