I obviously don't write here often. It seems life is more hectic than ever. When I started this blog my kids were small. Now I have teenagers, an elementary school kid, and a baby. Life is exhausting and I barely have time to put makeup on let alone blog. But so many years ago...11 to be exact...I came home from the hospital where I found the lack of chaos heartbreaking. I am sleep deprived and sometimes cranky...okay frequently cranky. I can't keep up on dishes or laundry. The house is always in a constant state of messy. And yet...I am so happy, grateful and when I allow myself to stop and look around...everything I have ever wanted...even while missing Declan and living with a broken heart.
I couldn't forsee this 11 years ago sitting in a wheelchair waiting for my broken body and spirit to be loaded into my car with an empty backseat. This year I was able to leave the hospital heading to the same home I was supposed to bring Declan but this time I walked out of the hospital with Christian and my last baby. I got into the car in the hospital parking lot and the bittersweet emotions, that always accompany me, reminded me of that other Christy who had been so battered from an emergency c-section and losing her son. I am so grateful for her...because she often reminds me to be grateful when life starts stressing me out or I don't appreciate what I have.
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