"Getting it"

I have had a really hard time lately with people who don't "get it."

After Declan I was shocked and surprised at who handled it well and those who didn't.

Some of the people I thought would be there most weren't and those I never expected were my biggest support.

Grief does something to people.

I had a long chat with my friend as our kids played at the park.  She has lost her dad and had many good insights.

After talking to her I realized that I need to forgive a lot of people.

I expected some very close people to "get it."  So many times I angrily shouted in my head, "Why don't you get it?!  All these other people get it, why don't you?!"

I realized recently that is too much to ask of people...even those we love.  No one knows how we truly feel.  We can sympathize and empathize, but we don't truly know...even if we have gone through the same exact thing.

It was unrealistic for me to expect people to understand...even if they went through something similar.

I had to do a lot of soul searching and forgive them for not "getting it."

It was painful to realize that my pain won't change the facts.  I realize they care, just don't know what to do with me and my grief.

I have to be grateful for those who do "get it."  It has made many relationships stronger.  It has broken a few.  And I will have to repair those and realize I can't change them.  But mostly I feel I have gained more than I've lost.

My own family has been so understanding.  We grew up knowing my dad lost his little 2 year old brother to disease and I don't know if that helped us all in empathy...but I know it did for my dad. 

My family lost a lot of people in a short time (less than a year).  Two babies and my grandpa.  Maybe that helped...there was a lot of hurting.

Over two years ago I was a very naive person...who had never suffered loss.  I had lost a dear great grandmother, but she had been widowed many years before...so I was just happy for her to be reunited with her love.  Plus I was little and didn't understand very well.

Then there was a huge break...no one died in my family until two years ago.

We lost a neighbor when I was young.  Her daughter was near my age.  I was an idiot.  I didn't know what to say...and it was always wrong.  So it didn't help me in understanding grief.

I shouldn't expect those who don't understand to, when I didn't either.

The expectation has been a heavy burden in my life...and releasing it has freed my soul.

I have no expectations for people in my grief.  I don't hide it, but I don't expect anything back.  I understand them...they don't have to understand me...maybe it's good they don't understand...because if they did...that breaks my heart.

It's okay that not everyone understands...and it makes me appreciate all the more when people do.