It's coming...
...another birthday. I never know how it will be. Sometimes the days leading up to it are harder than the actual day. Other times I am caught off guard how hard it is on the actual day.
I've been very anxious the last few days. I'm sure I am worried how the day will be. I'm usually way too concerned how the day goes. I want it to be special. I want Declan to know how very much we love him. I want to have a peaceful day, but I don't want it to seem I'm okay with him gone.
All in all, I'm a huge mess. I have conflicting emotions that pull at me. It isn't very fun. But I'm hopeful it will be still a fun day.
I can't believe it will be 5 years on Monday. When he first died I had friends where I am now...how did I get here? It was so fast. I had him, he was gone, we had a funeral, and now it has been 5 years.
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