I love birthdays...especially mine. ;) No seriously, I do love birthdays. When Bryce turned 3 we threw him a really big party and it was so fun!! I realized how much I enjoy birthdays. Celebrating someone's arrival here is special...to be cherished.
Today was my 30th. Crazy. I remember thinking when I was young my parents were in their 30s and how "old" they were. I knew deep down they weren't too old since a lot of my friends had parents that looked more like my grandparents. But to me their 30s were beyond what I could comprehend.
30 snuck up on me. I honestly didn't realize it was coming until last year and I suddenly only had one year left in my 20s.
My kids have caught my love of birthdays. Each of them were trying so hard to make this a great day.
As my kids sang me happy birthday with their cheerful faces, I couldn't help but be touched. My thoughts only lingered on the little toddler missing briefly...but it was a sweet reminder...no tears shed.
A new chapter in my life has begun. I'm no longer a 20 something...not that I ever really was. Having a baby a 23 knocked that out of me a little. But I am actually looking forward to this new part of my life.
Healing has changed me...bettered me. I see life in a new way...without the pain ridden days that took so much away from me. I feel my little boy close and it comforts me.
I cherish the moments I spent thinking, pondering, understanding, reevaluating...over and over again. It was my time. Time to be in a bubble. Time to push everything aside to focus on the pain...so that now I can be here with my kids in each moment. No distractions of dull pain keeping me from fulling enjoying life. Declan wouldn't want that.
I have felt myself dive into my kids the way I wanted to before...but wasn't able. I feel the richness of my future with my living children...and even Declan. I'll take him along my journey...not that way I want, but the way it must be now.
I like new chapters...something fresh not to start over, but to build upon.
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